Monday, January 18, 2010

You Are My God

You Are My God

I wanted to post the lyrics to a song I recorded that was just released, called "You are My God." This song is an extremely personal declaration for us. Luke Sheets wrote this song after his sister lost her baby, and his heart totally comes through.

Breathe in, breathe out
It's all that I can do now
Hold on somehow
My world has come crashing down

I remember hearing the opening lyrics, "Breathe in, breathe out... it's all that I can do now..." and I thought, wow, that is exactly what I'm feeling, too. When it hurts so bad, all you can do is BREATHE. Every night after May 27th, we'd get into bed and just say--when we could pray--"Lord, thank you for just getting us through another day." The day we lost Luke was the worst day of our lives. The day after was the second worst, and the following weeks and months tied for third. It seemed like we were up to our necks in the mud, just trudging through unbearable grief.

And I cannot understand
How this could be Your heart
Still I'm lifting trembling hands
Help me trust in who You are

We could never say that the Lord hasn't been with us, because He has. In fact, we have never felt His presence more concretely than we have the past year and a half. In my mind, it's like I'm a little girl on her Dad's lap. I'm crying so hard and beating my fists into His chest. After all, He could have prevented Luke's death. But He didn't. He could have helped the EMTs get his little heart beating again. But He didn't. This side of heaven, I will never understand why He allowed this devastating tragedy to happen.

The whole time I'm flailing at Him, though, I can sense He is holding me. He sees our tears. He is gentle and strong, and He's sad right along with me. Sad because this world is broken, and death was never part of His plan or His will. I feel like a child who can't fully grasp that this life is but a moment and then we will get to be with Luke for all eternity. As wonderful and hopeful as that reality is, it doesn't help with the hurt while we're here. And I know He knows that.

You are my God
Here in the darkness, in the night
You have never left my side

You are my God
Even when I can't see Your face
I know I'm held in Your embrace
You are my God

I'm weak, I'm torn
My tears like rain fall to the floor
But peace, my Lord
You have whispered in this storm

And this is still Your plan--
That You would have my heart
So I'm lifting trembling hands
Help me trust in who You are

Soon after we lost our Lukey, somebody asked Greg how the tragedy had made us turn against God. Greg said the words of Peter in John chapter six came to mind. "Where else would I go?"

We shared this with Jason Ingram, who captured the thought in the lyrics of the bridge of the song:

And where else can I go?
And who else can I turn to?
Your word is eternal life and I'm not letting go
I'm holding on to You
You are my God


  1. Beautifully written sweet friend.

  2. Nicol, I am so glad you have your own blog. :) I feel weird reading Greg's hoping to catch a glimpse of how you are doing. I pray for you often. I've been through some rough patches lately and once again, your music speaks truth and calms my heart and reassures me that God is here and it will be ok. Anyway, blogs are great. I always feel like we are less alone when we read and connect to another's thoughts. ANyway, I look forward to checking up on you. Paula Hamernick

  3. I just heard this song about a month ago and want to say "Thank you!" It describes exactly how I've been feeling and has become my theme, my prayer. I just lost my husband a few months back and though it's been difficult for my children and I, I cannot be angry or turn my back on God for He hasn't turned His back on me.

  4. This is a wonderful song. I'm a musician and would love to have the chords to this song.
    Is there by any chance I can get them? Thanks :)